The Pushmi-Pullyu in Us

When We Feel Pulled in Different Directions

There is a character from childhood literature that has been on my mind lately.

The Pushmi-Pullyu appears in Hugh Lofting’s The Story of Doctor Dolittle, first published in 1920. It is an animal with two heads, one at each end of its body.

There is no obvious front or back.                                                                          

Whichever way it moves, one head faces the direction of travel while the other faces the opposite way.

As an imaginary character, it is memorable.

And I find myself seeing something familiar in it.

There are times when we feel pulled in different directions.

We may want change and also feel attached to what is familiar.

We may welcome an opportunity and recognize what accepting it would require us to leave behind.

We may want greater independence and greater connection.

We may feel certain about what matters to us and uncertain about what to do with that certainty.

We may even wish we could follow two paths that cannot be traveled at the same time.

Perhaps some of the difficulty in these moments comes from an expectation that eventually one direction should reveal itself as the right one.

Sometimes it does.

Sometimes the tension may have something else to tell us.

When Both Directions Matter

Being pulled in different directions can be especially difficult when there is something meaningful in each direction.

Sometimes the strength of the pull reflects how much we value what each direction offers.

An opportunity may offer growth while taking us farther from something we have built.

A decision may give us greater freedom while asking us to relinquish a kind of security.

A relationship may matter deeply while requiring us to make room for needs that do not always align.

A familiar way of living may still feel good even as curiosity draws us toward something new.

We can experience genuine attachment to what is and genuine interest in what might be.

Both can belong to us.

That is what I find interesting about the Pushmi-Pullyu.

Its opposing orientations are part of the same being.

One cannot detach itself from the other and follow a separate path. Wherever the character goes, those opposing orientations remain part of it.

Perhaps there is something recognizably human in that.

The Tension Within Us

We sometimes treat internal conflict as something that should be resolved.

We should know what we want.

We should decide.

We should choose a direction and move toward it.

There are certainly moments when a decision has to be made. We cannot always remain at the crossroads.

Yet making a choice does not necessarily make the other pull disappear.

We can choose a new opportunity and still miss what we left.

We can remain where we are and still wonder about the path we did not follow.

We can make a decision with confidence and continue to understand why another possibility mattered.

Perhaps clarity can include understanding what each pull is telling us.

One may speak to security.

Another to possibility.

One to belonging.

Another to independence.

One to who we have been.

Another to someone we might become.

The tension between them may reveal something about the range of things we value.

Moving While Pulled

One of the things I like most about the Pushmi-Pullyu is that it can move.

Its distinctive form does not prevent it from moving.

There seems to be something worth considering in that.

We do not have to resolve every contradiction within ourselves before continuing with our lives.

Perhaps the Pushmi-Pullyu also gives me another way to think about these moments.

When I feel pulled in different directions, I can be curious about what each pull represents and why it matters.

There may be some kindness in allowing ourselves that complexity.

We can give ourselves room to be uncertain, to recognize competing needs or desires, and to take time to understand what each direction represents before deciding how to move.

We can move while carrying mixed feelings.

We can make choices while recognizing what another choice might have offered.

We can care about things that pull us in different directions.

We can choose one direction without pretending there was never anything meaningful in another.

Perhaps part of making our way through life is accepting that we may sometimes feel pulled in different directions.

We may continue to want, value, question, choose, reconsider, and move forward, even when everything within us does not point in the same direction.

A little like something facing two ways.

A Gentle Reflection

If it feels useful, you might consider a time when you have felt pulled in different directions.

• What was present in each direction?

• What, if anything, mattered to you about each one?

• Was the tension itself telling you something about what you valued?

And if you eventually chose one direction, did something of the other remain with you?

Perhaps being pulled in different directions can tell us something about how many things are capable of mattering to us at once.

Different possibilities.

Different needs.

Different loyalties.

Different versions of a life we can imagine ourselves living.

We still have to move.

And sometimes, like the Pushmi-Pullyu, we can continue forward even when we feel pulled in different directions.

— Bright Finds Collective

The Pushmi-Pullyu is a character created by Hugh Lofting for The Story of Doctor Dolittle, published in 1920. Like many works from its era, the original book contains portrayals that are troubling when viewed today. This reflection draws specifically on the Pushmi-Pullyu and the image it offers of being pulled in different directions.

Explore seasonal pieces aligned with this theme in our Shop-Curated Collections and explore additional reflections and ideas in our Bright Edit blogs.

There are also haiku on the Bright Lines: Echo page, available whenever you have a quiet moment.

This reflection is shared from my own experience and perspective. It isn’t intended as advice or a substitute for professional support. Everyone’s experience is different, and if something you’re noticing feels heavy or concerning, it’s always okay to seek care or talk with someone you trust.

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